The Kinky Guide to booking a sex worker

In this modern age of the world wide web, it’s very easy to place a booking with a Sex Worker but if my experience and the experiences of other ladies are to be believed it still seems to totally baffle some people. I have been involved in the world of sex for over ten years and during this time I have been a member of various online forums. Some of them are no longer around and some of them are still going strong. Regardless of whether they were solely for sex workers to engage with their peers or for both sex workers & clients to participate in the discussion, I found them all to be valuable in one way or another. So considerate as always, I have put together a little guide to pass on all the wonderful knowledge I have attained over the years and hopefully point you guys in the right direction.

A) When searching for a Sex Worker it’s always a good idea to read their website/profile/advert IN FULL before contacting them:

This way you will know if they even provide the services you require. For instance, I haven’t offered full service to new clients since changing to erotic massage. It’s been two whole years since I hung my suspenders up, yet on a regular basis I still receive requests looking for this (sex not my suspenders.) Believe it or not, we (Sex Workers) DO want to be booked and although screening is inevitable we only do this for our own safety not some warped sense of fun. We will always try to make the booking process as painless as possible. In fact, most SW’s will even have a booking procedure to help with this very thing. So, if we have taken the time to write you a little guide why don’t you do us both a favour and follow it. Remember it isn’t just our time that’s precious, yours is too!!!

B) Once you have found the Sex Worker of your dreams don't go spoiling it for yourself by doing any of the following things:

Contacting them at stupid times - Unless they have made a point of saying they are a party girl this is definitely not the way to go. Contrary to popular belief we are not sat at the end of the phone dressed up in our finest crotchless panties, wearing 6-inch heels, condom in hand, waiting for you (however drunken & horny you may be) to text us at 3 am in the morning. As unbelievable and unfortunate as it may seem, sometimes (usually once in every 24-hour period) we need sleep too. I am sorry to dispel the myth, but your average SW is not some supernatural entity sifting through the web looking to seduce some poor helpless creature. Yes granted, the way we make large items disappear down the backs of our throats can elude an air of the paranormal, but I promise you, we are just flesh and blood cut from the same, albeit chicer cloth as you. I understand it comes with the territory but if a lady makes it clear that she only works between certain hours please stick to them.

Sending single word texts - You will earn yourself double wanker points if you send one of the following: Hi, Hey, Address, Available, Time, Postcode, Outcall. Even two-word texts are a big no-no. ‘u working’ or ‘whos this’ seem to be particular favourites of the ill-informed. Please note: if she doesn’t reply within 30 seconds sending ???? is not going to make her reply any sooner but it is guaranteed to earn you a place in the hairy palms brigade. Trust me, sending ???? is not acceptable…ever!!!

C) We have accessed that contacting sex workers at silly times is not a good thing to do but there are some things that should be totally avoided regardless of the time.

Can I present to you - The VideoCaller - You can usually find ‘The VideoCaller’ trawling the encrypted vaults of a payment free place called ‘What's App’ although they have also been known to frequent a similar place called Facebook Messenger. I would tell you more about ‘The VideoCaller’ but I can’t. “Why” I hear you say, “Simple” is my reply. The reason I cannot tell you anything about ‘The VideoCaller’ is that as soon as ‘The VideoCaller’ puts in an appearance on my phone he is blocked FOR LIFE!!! Why would you even be the man who burns up my phone at 3 am?? Putting aside the fact that I don’t offer webchat or have any face pics on my site anywhere even in some private gallery. Why would anyone want to see me at some God-unholy hour, barely able to open my eyes and hair looking like something small mammals might take shelter in?? What makes it worse is the fact that it’s usually someone on the other side of the world, who even if they were helped by The Wizard of OZ himself still couldn’t make it to a booking on time.

Let’s say you have made it this far. You have chosen your SW, read her site in full and decided that she is the one you want to spend your hard-earned cash on. You’ve managed to make it to the initial contact. Personally, I prefer a politely worded text although some ladies prefer a phone call. Obviously, if you are looking for an outcall you will need to give her an idea of the location, but whatever is required you wouldn’t go far wrong with the following:

“Hi ………, I found your site via ……….. Are you available for a ….. hour booking on …….. preferably between the hours of …….. & ……., Thankyou………”

Simple, polite & concise will do the trick every time.

So, your luck is in, she has replied and a date is set. Do not fail me now, and in the days/hours leading up to your booking start sending multiple texts. Seriously there is nothing guaranteed to p!ss off an SW more than numerous texts telling them how horny you are or explicit details of what you will do to them once you are alone. Save that for when you are together but if the budding author in you cannot be tamed please send it via email because like most things in life you can be certain that inappropriate texts will always arrive at inappropriate times although, to be honest whenever they arrive and by whatever means they arrive most SW’s will mark you down as a timewasting fantasist anyway so unless she's expecting details of a roleplay etc please save the erotica for Literotica.

D) The time is finally here. Congratulations, you haven’t fallen at any of the above hurdles. Here are some little tips to ensure to make it over the threshold.

Life does sometimes get in the way so If you have booked in advance its sensible to confirm on the day to make sure nothing has changed.

Try to make it on time. Arriving early or late both bring their own set of problems. If you are going to be late, keep your SW informed. Tell her the truth, don’t say you are just looking for a parking spot if you haven’t even made it to the car. If there’s a suitable reason for being late and you forewarn them, I am sure they will do their best to accommodate you.

Do not arrive early and blow up her phone asking if she is ready yet. Apart from the fact it's fcuking annoying, it will only end up making her late. My advice is to send her a short text letting her know you have arrived early and that you are ready whenever she is.

Do not hang about outside, if you have arrived early and are on foot head for a coffee shop or go window shopping. If it’s a residential area go for a walk. The same goes if you are in a car, parking up on the bottom of someone’s street and sitting there for 20 minutes is going to raise some eyebrows at the very least. Try this whilst children are playing outside, and you can expect an angry mob of suspicious parents, flaming pitchforks in hand surrounding your car. Seriously though, use your brain, would you like it if some unknown bloke deposited himself outside your house blocking off your driveway?

When she does phone giving you the final directions to her front door don’t do the ultimate faux pas and repeat everything she says loudly back to her. You may as well wear a big fcuking badge saying ‘I’m a punter & I don’t give a fcuk who knows it’ because believe me everyone in the area with half a brain will have guessed it anyway.

So there you go, it's a little longer than I expected, no doubt I will have missed something important but in a snapshot my advice is:

When contacting a sex worker - Read her website, she will probably have a booking guide or general etiquette detailed on there so follow it. If not, keep it simple, polite & concise. Remember that she isn’t a Sex Worker 24/7. She will have a life outside of this so no unnecessary contact especially outside of her office hours and don’t bring any unwanted attention on yourself or her.

Keep to the above and it should all run smoothly. Now you just need to get through the booking in one piece. Don’t worry as soon as the feeling returns in my fingers I will start typing out a booking survival guide for you, and for my final piece of advice:-

Whenever you contact a sex worker always keep in mind... Do you really want to p!ss off the person who is about to have her mouth (and teeth) around your favourite member??.. No, I thought not!!

Enjoy, Gina x

 

 

 

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